Ten Steps for Resolving Couple Conflict Worksheet

1. Schedule a specific place, date and time to meet within the next week. Allow at least 30 minutes. Meeting Place: ____________________________________________ Date: ______________ Time: ___________________

2. Select one important issue you would like to resolve. List the specific issue or problem for discussion below: _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________

3. How do you each contribute to the problem? Without blaming each other, list the things you each do that have not helped to resolve the problem.

Person 1:

1) _______________________________________________________

2) _______________________________________________________

Person 2:

1) _______________________________________________________

2) _______________________________________________________

4. List past attempts to resolve the issue that were not successful.

1) _______________________________________________________

2) _______________________________________________________

3) _______________________________________________________

5. Brainstorm-pool your new ideas and try to attain five possible solutions to the problem. Do not judge or criticize any of the suggestions at this point.

1) _______________________________________________________

2) _______________________________________________________

3) _______________________________________________________

4) _______________________________________________________

5) _______________________________________________________

6. Discuss and evaluate each of these possible solutions. Be as objective as you can. Talk about how useful and appropriate each suggestion might be for resolving your issues.

7. After you have expressed your feelings, select one solution that you both agree to try. Trial Solution: ______________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________

8. Agree how you will each work toward this solution. Be as specific as possible.

Person 1:_________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________

Person 2:_________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________

9. Set a place, date and time within the next week for another meeting to discuss your progress. Meeting Place:_____________________________________________ Date: ______________ Time: ___________________

10. Pay attention to each other as the week passes. If you notice the other person making a positive contribution toward the solution, praise their effort.

Future Weekly Meetings At your next weekly meeting, if you have not improved, go through Steps 5-8 and try a different solution. If you have shown improvement, use this exercise to overcome other problems.